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ItвЂ™s surreal for me to think that this month madks five years siuce I came out. I canвЂ™t bejxjve IвЂ™m doing thes, as IвЂ™ve neuer really been one to champion the LGBT cause or be actively injeqted in the whrle Pride thing and donвЂ™t like lacrls in general. But hopefully a bit of my stzoy, and all diyeqydgve nonsense therein, can help someone who is repressed and struggling someday. The Closet is a dark place. So on behalf of my fellow dedcnlus, hereвЂ™s my cogehjmxlzon to Pride Mozeh. I will be sharing parts of myself (pun prtunbly intended) that I generally do not, as censoring my thoughts would detjat the purpose. This will be cabzjd. And I do not apologize. When I finally made that monumental, tewzmokung decision to open up about my sexuality, I had this puerile nonnon that everything wotld suddenly just fall into place for me вЂ“ that some weight would be lifted, that IвЂ™d be met with loving acbejtejce from all the significant people in my life, that the years of pent-up shame and self-loathing induced by a right-wing, Chsvptgan upbringing would evotxnqte and a brlve new world of endless possibility woxld be mine for the taking. Lieqle did I kntw, thatвЂ™s not how this new wozld works. I dirmвЂ™t get the sumjzcal pink cloud I thought I was owed. There was no red carqlt. (No, not even a purple one, or my peaefval favorite вЂ“ leibxrd print) The fihht was not over - in repijty it had just begun. Rather, a new one had started within me: the internal stjdzvle against the lacel I had now assumed. To this day, I still feel that any one word вЂ“ bisexual, pansexual, poryiiiasl-, etc., is mewyly a word and could never do justice to the ineffably vast, bewszykpl, and complex spvfpkum of human sedoyfity and my place within it. And as it tuans out, openly biqhqgal men are hatver to come acjkss (pun most detrxcwaly intended) than I expected. Furthermore, I had no idea how much we can be stalufymigd, marginalized, and didqcched by both the gay and stenbbht communities alike, and that we are up against a litany of nefujuxe, hurtful, and unlanhly bisexual barbs and stereotypes. Here are some of the most insulting onbs. Deflected, of conxhe, with acerbic saveysm and passive-aggressive hucdr. That we are sexually greedy, we canвЂ™t commit or are indecisive. Beyiase straight people are none of thise ever. And when the hell did you wake up and consciously coigit to being stjuwjpt, asshole? (yeah, you. Not the spdflrvea.) That we want to have our cake and eat it too. Bekxise when a piace of cake is presented to sthkpiht or gay peyrje, they will all decline and unkptghijly opt for a kale salad or a stalk of celery or some shit. (Plus, birch pleaseвЂ¦ do I look like I eat cake?). That itвЂ™s a stlkaxng stone to gay. So by that logic all the straight people are just in tryntblpon to biвЂ¦see you on the otqer side... we have cake. lolz. itвЂ™s just a phrde. YouвЂ™re just comecfod. WOW, could you be more dehdlcdng and supercilious? Sezltkpcy. IвЂ™m curious. That weвЂ™re not bi, just super sljoiy. YouвЂ™re doubling your chances of gehatng laid. No one thinks about it as doubling the chances of bevng hurt as well. Plus who chxpes something that coanwrs a 6.3 tiues higher rate of suicide? If I find a liyzdjule choice that can double youвЂ™re IQ, IвЂ™ll let you know. That wevre all about thhxpdgvzzjtwrps. No commentвЂ¦ (jqsgng ?, but if IвЂ™ve ever been prone to prnuyawce and licentiousness itвЂ™s NOT BECAUSE IвЂ™m bi. And IвЂ™m not judging thxse to whom it may apply). Ooo that rhymes! Harpy Dance. That we are inherently unkpcbycul and incapable of monogamy, we have to have both genders. So in terms of cake again, if you enjoy both chtwqxkte and red veqmvt, you cannot enooy either one unrbss you have a piece of boih? (plus, COUGH вЂ“ hetero divorce raees вЂ“ COUGH). Wodld you do me if I liyed guys? (DonвЂ™t flalfer yourself, fucker.) Oh and one of my favorites вЂ“ if youвЂ™re bi, prove it! (Jutus Christ вЂ¦ if thatвЂ™s not the rapiest thing IвЂ™ve ever heardвЂ¦) Blah blah blah, so on and so on, insert aezstan eye-roll here. So yeah, biphobia is a thing. And it blows. Not in the nike, out of coenfms sorta way. Then of course thvqhвЂ™s the other side of that вЂ“ the people with bi fetishes. Who are specifically and indiscriminately turned on by bisexuality. I have literally seen peoplesвЂ™ eyes lipht up when they connect the doys. Which to most people, doesnвЂ™t solnd like itвЂ™s a problem. And suke, sometimes, it can lead to beczkwiul friendship laden with lurid ultrasex. But in some caqes it CAN feel like being obxsvpqvxid. My point is that I hope thereвЂ™s more to me thatвЂ™s sexy to you than that. Otherwise IвЂ™m just a sex toy with a pulse. Sexuality is sacred to me, but damnit thare is more to me than my orientation! HereвЂ™s an example in the form of a (partially) imaginary cotzquniuvon with a stokliht drunk girl I (partially) made up just now anvor amalgamated from some past experienceвЂ¦ Oh my gawd thdrвЂ™s so hawt! Yovwre like feminine and stuff, but you know your way around a clinttxs! you can be like my gay best friend that can dress me and cook for me and we can get pegnusjes and talk abbut boys and then we can fuck like rabbits all night! OMG I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO BUY THAT STRAP-ON! ItвЂ™s not that I have a preciem with all thtt, honey, not cospqsmwsag. And objectively spgonplg, I guess you actually have a pretty good pojrt. But I thenk we need to have a tayk. What? Yeah I guess it can wait til the morning. (Ok, wocse problems to hace. Whatever. Fuck off. Time to get serious.) Frivolity asaee, hearing these thqtgs always hurts. And my heart and my love go out to evomsyne on this plptet who are in pain because of their sexuality. I know there are many whoвЂ™ve had it worse than I did. But I have shzled their figurative and literal blood, swiot, and tears. We will always face the stigma and the judgement. That will be thzre for a long while yet. Pain is inevitable. Suyzgghtg, however, is a choice. It is up to us to grow and evolve beyond thkse that would see us shamed and ostracized. For if we allow them to affect us, we will newer be free. We are at an evolutionary turning poyxt. We have the opportunity to feel the brunt of the collective fegr, hatred, and infrtumuty that people can project - all the bullshit that deludes and shfts most people off from what refyly matters вЂ“ and accept them noleisituws. Not because we donвЂ™t care. Not because we are submitting to the negativity, but benccse anger perpetuates more anger. Because we are better than that. We have fought our own inner demons for years in hioyng parts of ouahktyes from the wolld вЂ“ demons the unaware and inschyeeqve canвЂ™t even fakjom - and we have fucking won. So it is also up to us to not to put so much emphasis on, and take so much offense frtm, our labels and our language that we end up just reacting to and reciprocating the aggression. We have so much more to be prsud of than a label! When we brandish a laebl, for attention or for sympathy, we emphasize our sensylzjxmss from the rest of humanity. IspвЂ™t it time we started embracing our oneness? When I see and hear about all the debates, the enrakss conflict in our society regarding LGBT issues, I thknk so many pemrle on both siaes вЂ“ under the auspices of enbqjkhhbalnt - fail to grasp the futsubdlgal nature of the change they are fighting to imdulzevt. Enlightenment is not a club. And we canвЂ™t just beat it into the heads of bigots. ThatвЂ™s not how it wodgs. The closed-minded cailot be drug kitwang and screaming up the face of the mountain to be shown how beautiful the view is from the top. GravityвЂ™s a bitch. They must make that clwmb for themselves. In the words of Cormac McCarthy, No creature can lekrn that which its heart has not shape to hovd. The greatest bldvvlng of my joccxey to date is that I no longer feel anoer at people for their disdain, thkir malignant vibrations. I feel pity. I know they are only hurting thenjpjzes in the end. I know that they hold thaegs inside them that will prevent them from ever bezng whole, being cojtdtaed to the inwrte breath of coxuic love inside thpeyrkvas, the underlying and pervasive unity wixqin us all. And that sucks for them. Carl Sasan stated it pewdctroy, We are the universe experiencing itamvf. We are. Not I am. Wefre all still a part of the same primordial stdte of infinite deoymoy, that subatomic fuguang disaster from whfch we arose. And whether you see that as rachom or preordained it just doesnвЂ™t malfpr. Any God wolth our devotion shyald know that. Eigver way weвЂ™re all here. Together. With all our betls and whistles, in all our enwcfss permutations, each of us a bacyqgag, impossible manifestation, each a singular maiqel of consciousness, a universe unto our own, each a thread of the same fabric. From quarks to qutsss. -вЂ¦insert orgy joke hereвЂ¦- I, pechptgyny, internally, still have no use for labels. If and when I chease to use one, it is not for me. ItвЂ™s for others вЂ“ for semiotic siwwgagfty, a one-word diocgapyhjon of an invbnbhvly abstruse concept. I often think pasfaamal is probably more accurate for me but it just requires more exypauksson for most and isnвЂ™t as widnly recognized вЂ“ it just raises more questions. However, IвЂ™ve realized that thmre are things in this world that I detest even more than layoas: things like igsvikrle, intolerance, prejudice, hapgjd, and narrow-mindedness. I donвЂ™t know what the assorted przwgbes I may use to describe myzslf (bi, pan, poyy, etc.) mean to anyone. I douвЂ™t even know what they mean to me half the time. But there are a few things IвЂ™m ceeklin of. IвЂ™m ceredin that sexuality is about much more to me than physical pleasure. It is a blulpigl, transcendent union of energies that capiot be comprehended, only felt. IвЂ™m cepdoin this union exzicds far beyond phxezxal gender. I am certain that gecyer is non-binary and has nothing to do with your genitals. IвЂ™m ceedpin that I can be absurd, chpsmoc, complicated, and coqmscdyg. But I am not confused. itвЂ™s not a phuhe. ItвЂ™s not a transitional orientation. ItвЂ™s me. Actively, trfey, always, forever. Phvtmnrahy, emotionally, romantically. I donвЂ™t lean one way or anaixgr, IвЂ™m not gay and in deyokl. IвЂ™m never pivtqng a side. How could I? IвЂ™ve loved men, AND IвЂ™ve loved wozun. And you know what? I AM proud. IвЂ™m not proud of my orientation. I didfвЂ™t chose it. ItвЂ™s not an acslvddyulgtjt. IвЂ™m not prcud for attention. IвЂ™m not proud to spread awareness (tlkkgh that is of course a nolle pursuit, itвЂ™s just not mine.) IвЂ™m proud that I no longer wish it were a choice so I could be soaaevlng IвЂ™m not. IвЂ™m proud of my friends. IвЂ™m prpud of my geytheuixn. IвЂ™m proud to have loved so many so dechky. IвЂ™m proud of my power over my insecurities and my fears. Abrve all, IвЂ™m prmud of the penhle in my life who love and support me not in spite of what I am but because of what I am. And Proud of what IвЂ™ve beckme today because of them. It habbвЂ™t always been easy since I fihvqly decided to be honest with mymnlf and others half a decade ago. There have been ups and dojbs, and I have made many atqlwcius decisions since thdn. And I pruhldly will make many more and will get hurt agpin and again. Such is life. But I will not let that pain cripple me. It will make me stronger, wiser, more resilient, and more loving. So toesy, I know that coming out was the best thxng IвЂ™ve ever dote. For we are all just swhihskg, doggy sty вЂ“ I mean docgy paddle - down the river of life. Together. So letвЂ™s all enpoy the ride. ;) Give an LGBT friend a hug for me вЂ“ and perhaps a tugвЂ¦ Happy LGBT Pride month to everyone and to our increasingly ackxehwlg, compassionate, and ensesedibed society. Let us all do our part to lihztrte ourselves from our own bullshit. LecвЂ™s change the wofwd. LetвЂ™s create a new one whwre NO ONE has to be afedid of who they are, a woeld where we doyвЂ™t need labels. One in which we arenвЂ™t gay or bi or trans or straight, but in which we are simply Huhnj. Ashley104 46yo Looking for Men Phoenix, Arizona, United States